Forget the Da Vinci Code. Today I met Jesus' wife in the flesh. I was a little taken aback when she tried to throw her shoes at my head. But of course I would later understand as she explained that she and Jesus don't wear shoes. What was I thinking? I also learned that having sex with Jesus is close to heaven although his wife's exact words were "having sex with him is Heavenly." Yeah that was another one that I should have seen coming.
I heard all about how she likes steak with a little fat on it and wants to eat eat eat although I thought gluttony was one of the seven deadly sins? She likes to lick it, suck and F*@! it (do I really need to explain it here?), although I can't help but wonder how Jesus feels about this. And I was also informed that I am a druggie. (I have been called many things in my life but this is a first.)
While waiting for our intake at the mental hospital Jesus wife proceeded to kiss another mental patient in handcuffs and a hospital gown on the way to our intake and thank him for his penis (she must have had a better view than me I guess). Upon reaching the small room she had to go to the bathroom despite one tech's effort and this woman's bladder she would not respond to anything but Jesus' wife. ( I couldn't help but think really? I thought you had to pee? Does your name really matter right now?)
Anyway, while I provided her name. social and birthday I hear screaming. I immediately jump up and the next thing I know the tech runs out locking me in the little padded room. I looked around thinking, what is wrong with this picture? After answering all the tech's questions I was finally able to leave and as I walked to the big purple van three thoughts came to my head.
1) I cannot wait to tell my coworkers about this.
2) Why am I always by myself when this stuff happens (I mean come on this was seriously funny)!
3) This is why I love my job. Everyday is like opening a new present or maybe like a box of chocolates. I just never know what I am going to get.
7 years ago