Sunday, February 22, 2009

"I told you so" is easy to say but hard to hear...

That's my opinion anyway. Earlier this week I has having a conversation with my brother updating him on my once again isolated status in regards to our father's side of the family. Three years ago when I "found" my cousin and got myself invited to a family reunion I chastised my brothers for not giving our flesh and blood a chance. A second chance really cause they kinf of blew things the first time around. Deciding that I wanted my children to meet the people that I spend most of my young life with I blindly forgave them for all the heart ache and pushed forward. Alone of course because my brother refuse to let go of the hurt and anger and they stood firm in not wanting anything to do with this side of our family.

Being the know it all big sister and counselor I knew I was doing the right thing and opened myself back up to a group of people that most certainly were going to hurt me again. It's what they do best. Here I am three years later telling him about an email war that I started based on some ignorant emails circulating during the time before the presidential election. I told him about my aunt and how ridiculous her response was not to mention how it had nothing to do with what I had written. I continued to tell him about my two other aunts who have since ignored me because of their Catholic beleifes and narrow view on the election. It seems in this time of crisis the only thing that was worth thinking about was abortion. Must be nice to not have any other cares in the world. Because I would not comform, because I stood my ground I am once again cut off.

His response "I told you so." I am usually the one uttering those words so this was a bit more difficult to take. Having had a chance to process things I relaized how foolish I was to pursue these "roots." This was the family that made fun of me, caused me many tears, compared me to other cousins that I had nothing in common with. I have always been different and I know this but somehow not being a part of one's family is just not easy to accept. I am learning though because I know this is for the best. I am different for many reasons and all of them make me better for it. I keep this in mind as I move forward.

In the mean time perhaps I will be more careful with my quick response to say I told you so.

1 comment:

Olga said...

hey kat
how are you?